Making homemade stockings and cutting flowers for wreaths.

Baking treats and devouring them with hot cocoa by the tree that we spent hours decorating.

Shopping for just the right gifts and wrapping them meticulously, just to make those I love would know how special they are.

I remember all the traditions that we did together as a family before my symptoms hit hard.

Now, I am reduced to shopping the internet for gifts, but still, I do the best I can to find something special.

I usually start out trying to help decorate, just to end up on the couch watching everyone do what I can no longer do.

I sit here and watch despite the pain I feel from the few decorations I put on the tree because I so want to stay a part of things as much as I can,
while I can, even if it’s nothing more than a shadow of what I once was.

Do they know how much I still long to be a part of it all? How much I long to be a part of them?

I sit here and as I ponder how much things have changed and all that I am now, I find myself stuck in my head.

Do they see how stuck I am?

Do they see how afraid I am, that each holiday might be the last that I have with them, and they have with me?

I’ve got to get out of my head and be present.

The best present that I can give them really is just me, fully engaged in showing them that they’re the best that has ever happened to me!


You must be logged in to post a comment.

Bridges are built as a means to assist people in getting over the things that obstruct their path. We are constantly facing obstacles when it comes to our health, so we decided to build a bridge! Chiari Bridges is a non-profit network built by Chiarians for Chiarians. Our goal is to provide information, substantiated by published studies, in a way that is easy to understand. We encourage readers, to not only read our articles, but look up every study for themselves and read that too. Print it out and sit down with a highlighter; read it as many times as necessary until you understand; then use it to talk to your doctors. Our doctors are under no obligation to read our articles, but they should be willing to read officially published studies from journals, especially those specific to their profession. As many of our authors are patients as well, all authors sharing original pieces will be writing under pseudo-ghost names, to protect them from being black-listed by their doctors. Chiari Bridges is not affiliated with any physician or medical group. You should in no way use this site as a replacement for diagnosis, treatment, or medical from a qualified medical professional. The information provided on our website is strictly for educational purposes, in order to help further the understanding of Chiari, and its associated conditions. Our goal is to share our collective experiences and the information we have gathered, with those in need of answers, that it may increase your knowledge and guide you in conversations with your doctors.